My friend Lou has a saying which goes “mates before dates”. It always made me laugh, but I thought there was some truth in it too!
I figured it was a ‘girl code’ – an unwritten rule.
I always try and apply it to my friendships and hoped for the same in return.
But, if it can happen to Beyonce, it can happen to any of us, right!? A lesson I learned the hardest way recently.
Top Tier Friends
I guess you could say friends come in tiers. You’ve got your BFFs, your ride-or-die’s, that are like sisters (top tiers). Then you’ve got your good friends, people you don’t confide in, but still care about (tier two’s), and then there’s friends of friends, associates, girls you know, but not that well (tier three’s), and then there’s everyone else.
Personally speaking, I don’t think it’s cool to date your friends ex. There’s too much history and just not a good idea. But it also depends on how close your friendship is. For close friends, it would be an unforgivable breach.
For associated friends (your tier threes), it’s not as bad, but it’s still not cool. Well that’s what happened to me recently, when a friend of a friend I knew decided to date my ex. I know, the horror.
But, if there’s one thing that the experience taught me, it’s how to handle it with grace.
You don’t want it eating you up or making you bitter and depressed. Life’s too short and frankly, he’s your ex for a reason… so she’s welcome to your leftovers, ha!
So, ladies, if your “friend” starts dating your ex, take a few deep breaths and repeat after me….
- Don’t be a Friend – In the ever-wise words of Dua Lipa “don’t be a friend”. By that I mean, your friendship ends, with both of them right there. You don’t need to torture yourself with small talk or listen to their apologies. Keep a dignified distance and space. You don’t want to come off salty AF, so it’s not about being rude, it’s just about not being part of their lives any more. Goodbye, see you later! Over.
- Be a Friend- Let’s talk #friendgoals a moment. If your friend is going through a similar crisis, it’s time to rally around her. This is when you need your girlfriends the most. I repeat, this is not about being bitter or nasty, it’s about living your best life and letting everyone know it. This is the time to turn to your friends – your real friends. Those with a friendly shoulder to cry on, the girls with your favorite rom-com DVD to pick you up and a bucket of popcorn to go with it, yeah, those girls!
Go Shopping– Round up the girls, beg your mum for some sympathy money and hit the shops! There’s nothing quite like good company and retail therapy to get you through the tough times, right?! Oh, and best of all, you’ll have a brand-new wardrobe to look swish, when the ‘happy couple’ pass you on the street, looking your sassy fabulous self. Work it.
- Be Kind to Yourself- It’s true that we glow from the inside out. So, if you’re feeling down, pick yourself up. Go have a massage, get your hair done and nails manicured. It’s important to feel good and look good. That inner confidence will shine through and make your ex realise what he’s missing. Not that you care of course…!
Focus on You- While it’s easy to get upset, frustrated and angry about the situation, you don’t want to let it get to you. I’ve found that mindfulness has helped me, and although I don’t practice as much as I should, it can transform my mental space. If you don’t know where to start, there’s plenty of books and videos like this to offer inspiration: